Redeemed

On this day four years ago my brother died.  It was horrible, horrendous, terrible, sudden, awful, unexpected, and many other words of pain and sadness.  To say I was rocked is an understatement.  All my old fears and more so came back.  But most of all when he died, I felt my childhood died with him.  He was my only brother, the only one who would bug mom and dad with me.  The only other person who shared my life story with me.

I was 

in an instant 

an only child

But as my sweet friend reminded me this morning, Jesus redeemed that day, 2,000 years before it happened.

And so as I walk through the haze of this day I choose to see how He has redeemed me.  Through the pain of losing someone so well loved.

He shows me how many brothers and sisters I have and how our life stories are knit more deeply than even a childhood can make.

He shows me how I can love more deeply having suffered such loss.

He shows me how I can adopt and love a child not my own, because He has adopted me into His family.

He shows me that my control isn't going to cut it and how He is in ultimate control and is doing just fine at it.

He shows great patience with me as I struggle against Him and allows me to practice patience with my family.

He has shown me how to have great faith and to hold tightly to His hand, never wanting to let go.

And the list goes on.

After four years the pain is still there, but I see God's light in this tough spot.  I see how Eric had to die so that Jesus was glorified.  And like Paul says in nearly all of his letters, it all becomes worth it!  All the suffering, all the pain, all the loss, for the sake of the cross!

And above all I want to live my life to glorify my Jesus, today and every day.  Not just in the excitement and happiness but in the pain and hurt of this life as well.