My dreading game

I've mentioned it before but while you are going through training with our agency, they send you this ridiculously long document, the dreaded HOMESTUDY.  It asks you dreadfully personal and deep questions, and then after the training, and after you've filled it out and sent in back, you talk through it with your case manager.

Just to clarify, CPS workers are Case workers.  My case manager has the same qualifications of a case manager, they just work for my agency CFN.

So after our training was done, *K* our case manager, called and made an appointment.  Which of course I dreaded, mostly because Eric is intricately woven in my life, my childhood, and his loss is still painful.  I don't mind talking about it (obviously) but it isn't something I look forward to doing.  The day she was supposed to come, she had to cancel (her job has emergencies too, go figure) and we rescheduled for last Tuesday.  She came and talked with both Sam and I for a bit, then just Sam, then just Aiden.  She then had to leave, so now hopefully she'll be back this afternoon, and we can finish things up.

Meanwhile my stomach is in knots (sensitive stomach + stress = not feeling to good) with the anticipation of having to 're-live' my painful parts of life.  I think for the most  part I've ignored the fact that Eric isn't here, and am just now getting to the point where I can recognize that he's gone all the time.

And so hopefully it will be over today, I can leave for our ski trip knowing, it's just a waiting game now.  Not a dreading game....