Worries and Fears

I come from a long line of worriers, no not warriors (though some may be that too).  I remember being a little girl and visiting my grandparents in Euless.  They would ask every time we left for my parents to call when they got home to the oh so far city of Arlington (what is that like 20 miles?).  Of course those are in the days before cell phones, but still they worried.

I have taken this generational problem, ok sin, to the next level.  I don't worry, I am afraid.  I have much reason to fear, right?  I mean I've lost two members of my family to catastrophic and quick accidents.  They were fine one minute and the next, gone.  This has been a struggle all of my adult life.  When Sam and I first were married I was petrified he would die in a car accident (this is how my dad died), I struggled and prayed and I felt like I had at last conquered this.  And then September 2nd happened, and I again am scared.  Not just that Sam will die, but that my mom will, or my boys, or my SIL Carlie (Eric's wife).

These are my fears, what I struggle with every day.  I know that my worry cannot add a year to my life (Matt 6:27), I also know that God is in control - that's my main take home point from studying Isaiah this year.  Specifically Isaiah 51:1-16, has spoken to me today, and I have Isaiah 35:4 above our computer here, as well as the many verses that speak to fear and worry in the Bible.  And so the progress of God changing me begins again.  Worry and Fear aren't from Him they are from my enemy, Satan, and Satan has no control over my life.  God has the control, even when bad things happen, He is in control, and His purpose stands true in my life.

So regardless of my reason for fear, 'valid' or not, I am praying that I won't fear what my life holds in store for me and my loved ones, that fear doesn't hold me captive, that I'm set free from it.  I know that even if my life parallels Job (from the Bible), and I loose everyone else too, and my home and how I make a living.  That God is in control of that too, and He has a purpose and it isn't just to see me suffer, but to see me glorify Him!  So I choose not to fear, but to glorify my God, who has gotten me through the past, getting me through the present, and will get me through the future, whatever that may hold.

--A

P.S. - Our sermon from this week, excellent for me!  Generational Sin